


Golden Calves, Discourse Broken

by Torlek



Category: Christian Bible (Old Testament), Hebrew Bible, Torah (Hebrew Bible), תלמוד | Talmud, תנ"ך | Tanakh
Genre: Ad Hominem Attacks, Anachronisms, Biblical Criticism, Biblical Reinterpretation, Bullying, Defamation, Higher Criticism, Lashon Hara, Multiple opinions, One Shot, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Short One Shot, Source Criticism, Tragedy, character assassination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21826489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torlek/pseuds/Torlek
Summary: What was argument for the sake of Heaven?  What was argument that was not for the sake of Heaven?Long before Hillel was forced to sit in tragic submission before Shammai, a history-changing argument that was not for the sake of Heaven had unfolded.





	Golden Calves, Discourse Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Although this is a short chapter in Who Really Wrote The Bible?, the chapter was posted only on FanFiction.net within the broader story, as chapters there are already written out of order. For Archive Of Our Own, they'll be posted only in order.
> 
> For this one-shot, the tags "Humor" and "Religious Humor" have been removed.

"And that day was as difficult for Israel as the day the Golden Calf was made, as Hillel, who was the Nasi, was forced to sit in submission before Shammai." ( _Babylonian Talmud_ , Shabbat 17a)

What was argument for the sake of Heaven?

Four major competing schools arguing about which collection of narratives and which collection of laws represented the single correct version of Divine revelation.

What was argument that was not for the sake of Heaven?

Such was any ad hominem attack by one major school on another.

Once upon a time, one Jeroboam came to power in the northern Kingdom of Israel. To consolidate his power, he had fashioned two molten calves as a substitute for the cherubim in Jerusalem's Ark. He placed each of them in a public area, one in Bethel and the other in Dan, and announced to his subjects that their God was now present atop each alternate throne seat.

Within one month of Adar, on the ninth day, Rabbi J, Rabbi E, and Rabbi D expressed a momentary show of absolute unity, for they were all mad towards this turn of events. They then shared with each other their different reasons for their anger.

Said Rabbi J, "Just how exactly can those accursed things not be molten?"

Said Rabbi E, "With God, they're not supposed to worship that way! What has been made are so-called 'gods' of gold!"

Said Rabbi D, "That abomination of a rogue king rebelled against the Jerusalem cult! The key worship is supposed to happen only in Jerusalem!"

Stepped in Rabbi R, who asked, "I know you're all upset, but perhaps you could channel your anger and frustration towards constructive writing? We've got deadlines to meet for Project Bible, you know."

"Agreed! We need to write polemics against this!" the three who posed as scribes declared emphatically, before staring at Rabbi P.

"You and that rogue cult!" they accused their colleague, bullied him, and kicked him out of the scribal house for the rest of the day.

They then went to work by themselves, writing their own separate polemic against the turn of religious events. No argument for the sake of Heaven happened on this very day, for the discourse was broken for the entire day. For his part, Rabbi P sat humbly outside the scribal house, in submission before the three inside.

The heavenly voice was most disappointed by this turn of events, as well.

Night came. The three went to sleep, which gave Rabbi R the opportunity to let his bullied colleague back in quietly. The former showed the latter the polemics that had been written, each depicting a collective sin involving a molten calf. In the interest of pursuing peace, Rabbi P wrote humbly, with the aim of extricating the founder of his priestly caste from the written fury of his colleagues.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaron as Jeroboam? Really, "Rabbi E"?


End file.
